Malice Aforethought

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Cup-Cakes in Court

Throughout history, sugar has been the morbid cause of distorted reason and emotion in all who partook of it.

Marie Antoinette was only one of many who was forced into a profligate life of wealth and misuse of absolute power because of the enormously high sugar-content of her diet.

The people of France, however, were less sophisticated than the modern-day jury in Dan White’s double murder trial in San Francisco.

France sentenced Marie to death, despite her junk-food hang ups. A last-hour advocate of better nutrition, Marie faced her insensitive detractors with the ringing cry, “Let THEM eat cake!”

But Dan White’s “Twinkie” defense — “emotional unbalance caused by junk food” — got him off. Too bad; it certainly lacked the directness of his first plea. He claimed he was attacked by the Sugar Plum Fairy.

“My Man” Department

Swinger Margaret Trudeau says her estranged husband, Canada’s ex-prime minister Pierre Trudeau, punched her in the face when she left him. “Actually, I was quite pleased,” she bubbled to a Ladies Home Journal reporter. “It was the first time in a very long while that I’d been able to really get a response from Pierre. It showed that he really loved me. In a strange way, it made us closer.”

In a strange way, this is the end between us, Peggy.

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